So the kids and I walked to the park in our neighborhood this afternoon about 3:30. I thought it would be packed with kids, so I assumed we would only stay about 15 minutes before I was ready to leave. When we arrived there were only 3 kids on the playground on this beautiful day. Luke rode his bike and I pushed the stroller with Emily in it. When we got close to a table I parked our stuff and we headed over to the swings. Before I knew it there were 3 young kids all over Luke's bike.
Now, I am all for sharing, but these kids just came up and assumed they could climb all over it! Luke was rather upset about it, but I kept re-assuring him it was nice to share his things with others. At one point there were 2 of them climbing on it (mind you, Luke is 3 and his bike is a little pre-schooler bike) so I told them it was only for 1 child. As I started looking around for these kids mom (they were siblings) I realized she was sitting in her parked car on the other side of the park! Now, these kids were probably 2, 4 and 5...maybe! Seriously, she was sitting in her car! I was looking around for her for a bit of help in handling in the situation...should I make Luke share everything or should I have let him decide? When we go to the park and Luke wants to play with something I tell him he needs to ask the owner of the said item. I was expecting their mom to do the same....
Mick says, I should have stood my ground to these kids and told them no, but then there is part of me that wants to teach my kids to share and be nice, but I also do not want my kids to feel they have to all the time....how do you teach a child to be nice and share, but not get walked all over?
3 comments:
The other kids need boundaries, which they are obviously not getting at home.
If it happens again, kindly but firmly tell the kids that the polite/right thing to do is ask before using another person's objects.
If they ask politely and correctly, I would then let Luke decide. It's okay for him not to want to share everything he has, especially if he feels uncomfortable about it and the kids aren't treating it with respect.
That's another thing: you may need to instruct the kids on how to treat bikes, etc with respect.
Good advice, Marci.
There is a difference between being "good" and being "nice". Just being nice can lead to becoming a victim.
In this particular situation, I think the kids overstepped their boundry (and obviously don't have any!), and Luke needs to learn that being "good" doesn't mean he should stand by and watch other people abuse his property or person, or other people for that matter. It's not the same as sharing.
Unfortunately, in our community of state dependents and children without fathers, it will often fall to the "good" parents to educate the abandoned children. . . and they won't like it! And as soon as the negligent mother senses her children's "rights" are being violated she will suddenly try and flex her parental "rights", all the while ignoring her parental responsibility. . . any way, I'm getting off topic ;)
I think it's important for us to be "good" and be strong and assertive enough to defend and set a good example for our childern (and the abandoned neighborhood kids) while not overprotecting. . . easier said than done.
I think it comes down to healthy boundries. If they didn't ask, or were rude and demanding, then it's not good and therefore not acceptable. Politely but assertively say, "Hey guys, that is not your bike and you didn't ask to use it, please stay away from it."
Maybe we should do a group study this summer based on "No more jellyfish, chickens, or wimps: raising assertive kids in a tough world" book I'm reading right now. . . what do you think?
I agree with all the advice given. The neighborhood we live in now has a community playground which is the hang out for all the pre-teens and little kids. I am over there all the time, but I am one of the few parents over there. At first, I had problems with the pre-teens attitude and language, but they have learned what I expect from them when I am over there and I haven't had any problems with them in awhile.
I think as a parent you have the right to expect all children to give you a certain level of respect as long as you are being reasonable.
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